The Mystique of Life

It's funny isn't it...life is a mystery. Allah SWT has set it as such.
I was such a wreck before I went through my viva..
I never was optimistic about things, I worry too much over every little minute stuff.
I get all boiled up or rather heated up over tiny winy issues that would drive my adrenalin level at its max.
To name a few bad habits of mine la kan. Pot pet never ending over this and that...bottom line is that I am just hopeless...
I try to keep a strong front but inside it crumbles into pieces so so easily..that's just me..a useless wreck..

Hey..BUT that's no longer me.

I am more optimistic. I take things a day at a time. I wouldn't let silly stuff as what people think about me, as what people are talking about me or for whatever reasons if surroundings around me are just so ..mmm..can't be helped right...Oh well it doesn't bother me anymore...

At work here I get clients at a bad day, who would just shout out swears at me..really who would likely utter obscenities or profanities towards me....but do I care..NO..NO...NO...I'll just let it pass.

People can speak highly of themselves and condemn me for whatever reasons...I'll just let it pass...it doesn't bother me anymore.

I would offer my shoulders for others to cry on, I would lend my ears to anyone for that matter..I avoided confrontations with people nowadays..I try to be invisible when there are people whom I would like to keep a distance from, which I think would be the best way to deal with things don't you think so..

The writings of Dr A'id al-Qarni in a book entitled "You can be the happiest woman in the world: A treasure chest of reminders" given to me on my 46th birthday by aquaintance has rebuilt my whole self. It actually did! Alhamdullilah I am so ever grateful for this God gift writings...
I amy not be a holier-than-thou kind of person, but I believe that this book has actually lifted my spirits and get me closer to Allah's teachings...

I may not be good in preaching, writing and many more doings in the Islamic teaching...like I say
being a person of unworldly to all the good deeds...well I have not even come close to it. BUt i am trying...I would want to be the happiest woman in the world and I know I can..
I accept for what I am, for what my hubby is and for what my children are...(hihihi...tang children ni I have to say la..I sometimes lose in the battle of argument with these children of mine...but I try to make sense of what life is all about kan....bukan nya senang nak membesarkan anak-anak supaya menjadi yang soleh n solehah).


Oh well....life is full of mysteries.......for whatever it is, I will leave my writings tonight with the words from Dr A'id al_Qarni:

The way to happiness is infront of you,
so seek it by means of knowledge,
righteous deeds and a good attitude.
Be moderate in all your affairs and you will be happy!

I did it..I did it..I did it!!!!

Alhamdullilah..syukur, alhamdullilah....
I did it, I did it, I did it...I finally did it..
I just can't describe the feeling...
when they say that I have passed my viva...
I was rather confuse..I was actually confuse...
and they had to say it over and over again to convince me that
it is over..I passed! pelikkan...yerla..imagine ..like I say the trials
and tribulations taht I have to thrive through all these years.
not only me ..my chenta hati pun terpaksa mengharungi sakit perit
the years of doing my PhD ni. Kadang-kadang bertanya kembali..
berbaloi ker ni semua? Well...yet to see la kan...

But saper snagka buah cempedak menjadik nangka..
4 gruelling years of doing the research.. and a year of break...sakitnya hal!
Campur tolak 5 years nak menyiapkan PhD ni...akhirnya, akhirnya..
tu la macam tak percaya..imagine la ..mang aiiiii really tak terkata.
Dgn sakitnya, dgn supervisor buat hal, dgn family nyer news la back home, dgn kerenah
community Melayu kat sini, kerenah kawan2 yang jadik lawan la...hishhhhhhhh
macam2 la..sampai detik akhir masih lagik Allah SWT tu duga...
kalau silap haribulan mmg dah lama give up dah ..but I guess Allah itu Maha Esa and
Maha Berkuasa..dugaan demi dugaan nya membuat hati ini lebih cekal.
i become stronger and dah redha dgn ketentuan Allah tu...

Alahmdullilah inilah satu-satunya ..kejayaan inilah yang dapat membalas jasa2 abah & mak
yang dah banyak berkorban untuk diriku ini..tak terbalas infact...haih...kalau la abah sihat
untuk menikmati kejayaan aku ini..mak happy but she doesn't understanf that much too..
dia tau aku pass exam besar tu jer...tak per aper2 pun aku tak mengecewakan mereka..


haih...nanti bila dah tenang I promised I will write a story about my years of calamties and success..insyallah..........

I did it..YES..I did it!!!!

Trials and Tribulations

This is what life is all about...trials and tribulations! I, for one have to go through a lot but I know that there
are people who are in worst condition than I am.

As is bersyukur alhamdullilah..I have a family who has been supporting me all these while, a roof to live under, food to eat, clothes to wear and so many other privileges than million others who are suffering from in this world.
Syukur sesangat...bersolat syukur aku dengan apa yang Allah SWT dah beri pada diriku ini. I know the dugaans yang Allah SWT berikan pada aku ni selepas satu satu...aku redha. Aku dah belajar untuk menerima itu semua, aku redha and I know Allah SWT loves me so much that I am tested as such.

Yes...counting the days I have 4 more days to go before my big D-Day, my PhD viva! Call home and my dad is already bed ridden and my mum pun tak sihat...insyallah dengan berkat doa2 yang ku panjatkan setiap hari, setiap minit dan saat tanpa henti insyallah hati akan lebih tabah menghadapi all the trials and tribulations.

Redha and ikhlas are the words..and I know this is just a minute...sebesar zarah....dugaan yang Allah SWT telah sediakan for me....alhamdullilah..insyallah I am ready for what Allah SWT has in store for me.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR & BATHIN...

Terpanggil untuk mengucapkan Selamat Hari Raya and maaf zahir bathin kepada semua yang mengikuti blog yang dah lama di tinggalkan bersarang ini.

Actually getting a comment from Tie made me want to drop a few lines (trust me...being a pot petter, takkan a few lines kan?) I have been rather busy lately...with my academic matters, personal matters, and many other matters for that matters...aduhss..berapa banyak matters la!

Anyway my babies are back!!!!!Yeah..that's the best part of them matters...except for my eldest baby who will only be here in November..The day they arrived made me smile from ear to ear...hmmm, sampai orang tegur la.."akak berseri-seri muka yek!"mana taknyer dah 3 bulan tak jumpa anak2 haihhhhhhhh....gila rindu!

My busy schedule includes all the dugaans that Allah SWT has in store for me. My supervisor left the university and resigned...haihhhh....hanya Tuhan saja yg mengetahui macam mana lebur nyer hati ni..but, but,...after thinking and also mengadap Allah SWT yg esa...I began to calm down and redha...(macam citer Nurkasih tu...) tapi memang I actually redha kerana ader hikmah sebaliknya. Then my 2nd supervisor took over and I had to explain the whole study to him since he knows zero of my work. Then he conducted a mock viva for me..alhamdullilah hikmah tu semua. Kalau ngan supervisor lama rasa memang jgnkan mock viva..discussion pun tak sempat. Alhamdullilah the mock viva went well...dan the new supervisor ni is very helpful and sungguh concern...

So raya tanpa anak-anak disambut selepas mock viva bersama2 suami tercenta and anak2 angkat yang disini..SEronok walau pun not the same la kan..hati mak mana la tak rindu kan anak2 and sedih bila anak2 tak bersama di hari yang mulia ini. Masih dalam mood raya anak2 dah balik..pi open house sini sana seronok dgn anak2 disisi.

Haihhhh...the big day is just around the corner..Dalam masa 7 hari lagi nak viva..aduhsss..kecut perut bila mengigatkannya. Tapi kena redha and cekal of course. Day in day out going through my thesis and readings..kadang rasa nak pecah kepala ni tapi kena la again redha and banayk sabar jer. Mendoakan semuya dipermudahkan hendaknya.. wehhhhhhhhh kakutkakut bak kata Danish tu...hihihi...
Hanya dengan kejayaan ini sajala yang dapat aku membalas jasa kedua ibu bapa ku yang telah banayk berkorban untuk diriku ini. Ya Allah ya Tuhanku ..kau permudahkan perjalanan ku ke mercu kejayaan ..untuk mendapatkan ijazah kedoktoran ku ini..amin...
Selitkan lah doa untuk ku yek kengkawan yang membaca blog ku ini...salam lebaran and semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat buat semua...ampun maaf dipinta dari hujung rambut ke hujung kaki..
Aku akan menjenguk blog ku ini kembali insyallah selepas viva ku nanti...

Amin ya rabbalalamin..................

Life does feel the emptiness

...without the kids around. There's something missing in my life and that is my children...
Aduhs a month plus to go.....
It is kind of a scary feeling, I began to fast forward thinking.....hmmmm....when I grow old and the children are all over the world...what's left behind are only the two of us..hubby and me!
ishhhhh...............memang scary. Will they come home to visit? Will they be there for us when we need them? But they have their own family by then and what's left for us?
OMG, takutnyer nak fikir and nak bayangkan...memang menakutkan............

Oh well...part and parcel of life and I guess that's how my parents are feeling right now......apakan daya!!

I miss the kids soooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............

Bravo to Dumbo Decision Makers!!

This is ludicrous! Apakah?? have you people out there come across this? I just can't believe my ears when I heard about the above from Kina and what more reading it in black and white...can't believe my eyes ..am actually reading what is written.

OMG...what has happened to the decision makers...one of the biggest, well established, internationally known organisation can come up with something preposterous.....are they playing god here. They decide qada' & qadar...jodoh pertemuan...saper kawin ngan saper..ishhh...ishhh...pelik bin ajaib.

Well...I would say that if you have a pak we or mak we, and you are about to get serious....wehhhhhhhh, tanyer dulu..."awak..awak...awak keje ngan Petronas ker sebab saya keje ngan petronas ni" or "you...you...you keje ngan anak syarikat petronas ker, I ni keje kat Petronas" or "b..b... you kalau suka I you baikla quit keje ngan Petronas, kalau tak kita tak leh kawin"....apakah?????? kegilaan ....mmg karut marut....

I really wonder what the decision makers were thinking of when they came up with this policy. a big laugh I would say! I mean here they are sending all the bright students all over the world, sponsoring the creme de la creme students in the country BUT....decision makers???? dumbo...apakah...mmg nonsensical betul la...haihhhhhhhhh..agak dunia memang dah sampai ke penghujung....

Hmmmm.....nasib la kan Kina awak bukan student petronas or anak syarikat petronaskan?????wink..wink..wink....hihihihi.....lega yek???

Memorable it is not...

Not something that I would want to remember on my 46th birthday.
As said earlier the increasing of a number in my age has no effect on me
emotionally. But for what has happened last night and today, it has saddened me.
A few hearts I would say...having to see a close friend losing somebody so close
is not a situation that I would want to be in.
It is sad to see her cry and going through the agony..besides having to go through it twice.
The pain , the traumatised experience OMG!!!!
haihhhhhhhh....I am almost speechless but I have to be strong for her. I have to try
to stay positive for her. I have to remind her that there is a brighter side to these all.
I have to remind her that Allah SWT must have other good things in store for her.
Again the word is "redha" for what has happened and to go on with life...
Easier said than done...berat mata memandang berat lagi bahu yang memikul!!!
Hmmm...it's just sooooooo difficult because no words can ever ease the pain in her,
no whispers can ever mend the broken heart...
Again the experience will be etched in her heart and soul forever but I hope that
one day she will eventually let it slide away....
My prayers are for her always and my heart goes to her.....

Oh my ....and it has to happen on my 46th birthday!!!